1 - I don’t have the time, because my job takes up all of it
Most jobs are 9 to 5. That's 8 hours. If you get up at 7 and go to sleep at 11, that's another 8 hours you're awake where you're not working. Technically, that's half a day that you're not working. Unless you work in a mine in the 18th century, you have time to exercise. Barack Obama has two kids and he finds time to exercise, and he's the fucking president. Stop being so damn idle.
Most jobs are 9 to 5. That's 8 hours. If you get up at 7 and go to sleep at 11, that's another 8 hours you're awake where you're not working. Technically, that's half a day that you're not working. Unless you work in a mine in the 18th century, you have time to exercise. Barack Obama has two kids and he finds time to exercise, and he's the fucking president. Stop being so damn idle.
2 - I’m too stressed out to think of exercising
No. Thinking about exercising stresses you out because you're lazy, and presumably fat. Exercising relieves stress. Sitting around on your fat ass watching TV all day causes heart disease and depression. Being fit and healthy causing your stress, or heart failure? Figure it out.
3 - I am a housewife and I have a baby to take care of
How long do you think it takes to exercise, really? You can run a mile from and to your house in seven minutes, and still make it back in time before your microwave chips have finished cooking. Unless you're a single mum without a friend on the planet to watch your baby for seven minutes, you're just making excuses to dodge a workout.
4 - I travel too much to maintain a steady workout routine
Er, what? Travelling too much is a good thing, unless you're travelling by car but then you'd have more free time, which makes your excuse even more redundant.
5 - The gym’s too expensive
Seriously if the gym is too expensive to fork over £5 a month then maybe you should be more concerned about your financial status than losing weight. How much is a tray of chips and a kebab? Oh, you have enough for that.
6 - I’m thin, I don’t need to exercise
I'm thin, and I need exercise. Losing weight isn't the only benefit of dieting. Lower cholesterol, more years of life, less risk of developing cancers, amongst others. If you can't be bothered to motivate your lazy thin arse off the sofa then kiss your children goodbye now, because you'll be dead before you see them grow.
7 - My girlfriend / boyfriend takes up all my time
Not to worry, when they leave you for someone who isn't bone idle and lets themself go, you'll have plenty of free time.
8 - I exercised a lot, but stopped seeing results
I hear this one alot. Here's a clue: you can't exercise once and expect to see results. Hell, you can't exercise for a month and expect to see results (other than physical fitness, your appearance won't change much without a major reconstruction of your diet). Stop excusing your inability to exercise on not seeing results. The results are there, your fat ass to thin ass conversion will just take longer!
9 - I’m too embarrassed to go the gym / swimming pool because I’m fat
It’s a gym, not an audition for Britains Next Top Model. If you think you have to already be fit and beautiful to go to the gym, you're an idiot. 90% of people that go to the gym are insecure about their bodies, that's why they're at the gym, doing something about it! Oh boo hoo, I don't like looking at all those fit people. Hey, why don't you BECOME one of those fit people, you moron? Nobody with more than half a peanut for a brain goes to the gym to show off.
10. I hate working out alone
Yes it’s boring, but chances are you're already a loner if you're fat and making antisocial excuses like that. You don't go to the gym to have a chat and a gossip, you go there to lose your disgusting cellulite, what people will be talking about if you sit there eating junk all day, coming out with this kind of bullshit.
11. I’m too tired to workout
What are you a lumberjack? Unless you hunt game armed with nothing but a rock through the undergrowths of a rainforest, you have energy left to exercise. Do you know what that feeling of tiredness really is? Your body's complete lack of physical activity. It can't handle doing simple day to day tasks anymore because it's never worked anywhere near it's maximum, so basic chores seem like an actual effort. What a pathetic excuse for an evolved lifeform. Our ancestors are rolling in their graves (probably more exercise than you've ever done, porky).
12. Zero motivation
Here's some motivators: live longer, be less depressed, feel fitter, become better looking, have more confidence, join fun sports, meet people and have a laugh. Hell, what more motivation do you need? You want some negative reinforcement? How about heart disease, high cholesterol, diabetes, high blood pressure, stroke, sleep apnea (episodes when a person stops breathing while asleep), arthritis, gallstones and the list goes on. It's idle fucks like you that Britain is in debt, wasting billions of pounds a year in NHS bills because you can't take responsibility for your own bodies.
No. Thinking about exercising stresses you out because you're lazy, and presumably fat. Exercising relieves stress. Sitting around on your fat ass watching TV all day causes heart disease and depression. Being fit and healthy causing your stress, or heart failure? Figure it out.
3 - I am a housewife and I have a baby to take care of
How long do you think it takes to exercise, really? You can run a mile from and to your house in seven minutes, and still make it back in time before your microwave chips have finished cooking. Unless you're a single mum without a friend on the planet to watch your baby for seven minutes, you're just making excuses to dodge a workout.
4 - I travel too much to maintain a steady workout routine
Er, what? Travelling too much is a good thing, unless you're travelling by car but then you'd have more free time, which makes your excuse even more redundant.
5 - The gym’s too expensive
Seriously if the gym is too expensive to fork over £5 a month then maybe you should be more concerned about your financial status than losing weight. How much is a tray of chips and a kebab? Oh, you have enough for that.
6 - I’m thin, I don’t need to exercise
I'm thin, and I need exercise. Losing weight isn't the only benefit of dieting. Lower cholesterol, more years of life, less risk of developing cancers, amongst others. If you can't be bothered to motivate your lazy thin arse off the sofa then kiss your children goodbye now, because you'll be dead before you see them grow.
7 - My girlfriend / boyfriend takes up all my time
Not to worry, when they leave you for someone who isn't bone idle and lets themself go, you'll have plenty of free time.
8 - I exercised a lot, but stopped seeing results
I hear this one alot. Here's a clue: you can't exercise once and expect to see results. Hell, you can't exercise for a month and expect to see results (other than physical fitness, your appearance won't change much without a major reconstruction of your diet). Stop excusing your inability to exercise on not seeing results. The results are there, your fat ass to thin ass conversion will just take longer!
9 - I’m too embarrassed to go the gym / swimming pool because I’m fat
It’s a gym, not an audition for Britains Next Top Model. If you think you have to already be fit and beautiful to go to the gym, you're an idiot. 90% of people that go to the gym are insecure about their bodies, that's why they're at the gym, doing something about it! Oh boo hoo, I don't like looking at all those fit people. Hey, why don't you BECOME one of those fit people, you moron? Nobody with more than half a peanut for a brain goes to the gym to show off.
10. I hate working out alone
Yes it’s boring, but chances are you're already a loner if you're fat and making antisocial excuses like that. You don't go to the gym to have a chat and a gossip, you go there to lose your disgusting cellulite, what people will be talking about if you sit there eating junk all day, coming out with this kind of bullshit.
11. I’m too tired to workout
What are you a lumberjack? Unless you hunt game armed with nothing but a rock through the undergrowths of a rainforest, you have energy left to exercise. Do you know what that feeling of tiredness really is? Your body's complete lack of physical activity. It can't handle doing simple day to day tasks anymore because it's never worked anywhere near it's maximum, so basic chores seem like an actual effort. What a pathetic excuse for an evolved lifeform. Our ancestors are rolling in their graves (probably more exercise than you've ever done, porky).
12. Zero motivation
Here's some motivators: live longer, be less depressed, feel fitter, become better looking, have more confidence, join fun sports, meet people and have a laugh. Hell, what more motivation do you need? You want some negative reinforcement? How about heart disease, high cholesterol, diabetes, high blood pressure, stroke, sleep apnea (episodes when a person stops breathing while asleep), arthritis, gallstones and the list goes on. It's idle fucks like you that Britain is in debt, wasting billions of pounds a year in NHS bills because you can't take responsibility for your own bodies.
